The 35 Premarital Counseling Questions to Ask Before Committing

It’s no secret that married life is a big commitment; I wish somebody had told me that before I went all in with my partner. We both knew we wanted kids at some point, so after my accidental pregnancy, we decided to raise this baby without any preparation; we didn’t know where we wanted to settle, how many kids we planned to have, and where they‘d go to school. Our commitment is working, but I wish somebody had introduced me to premarital counseling questions before my son was conceived.

Me and my partner in Santorini, where we reunited after a long breakup (I was in Singapore, and he was in Portugal)

How Do The Non-Married Couples Can Grow Daily?

I didn’t swear or promise my partner that we’d grow old and live with each other forever, as you usually do in your wedding vows. At the end of the day, growing and choosing each other daily is an active choice both partners must make. That’s why I needed external counseling to navigate my relationship’s challenges, especially after my baby was born. So, I tried Ritual, a relationship counseling app that enhances your emotional growth, teaches you regulation techniques, and reminds you of your conscious choice – your partner. My partner was not ready for relationship counseling, yet Ritual allowed me to do the sessions and work individually, so bonus point to that. Individual counseling can work in some cases, and it certainly worked in mine.

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The truth is that although individual relationship counseling can work, in most cases, it is necessary for the two partners involved to work together as a team to have a lasting, healthy relationship. That’s why premarital counseling is so important—it helps couples prepare for their life together by addressing any potential issues before they arise, thus saving you anxiety and conflicts regarding decisions for the future. In fact, research shows that those who attend premarital counseling are better off than 80% of couples who decide against counseling.

My matched therapist in Ritual specializes in premarital counseling, so our sessions taught me a thing or two about the questions and values we should have shared before we embarked on a life journey together.

So, if you want to ensure you are on the same page with your partner before you commit forever, I decided to make your life easier by exposing you to 35 premarital counseling questions to ask each other right now. From finances and family planning to religious beliefs and resolving conflicts, these questions cover all bases for building a solid foundation for your relationship and creating a fulfilling marriage.

(Please note that’s always advisable to answer premarital questions with the help of a licensed therapist. But if you’re missing the budget or the time, or one of you is not ready to speak openly about these topics with a third party, the premarital questions in this article can do.)

What’s Premarital Counseling and Why It’s Important?

Premarital counseling (a form of marriage counseling) helps couples address any concerns or issues they may have before entering into a marriage. Answering certain premarital counseling questions allows them to discuss many important subjects in detail to understand one another’s expectations and life goals.

Before entering a legally binding union, premarital counseling questions can help couples discuss issues and identify growth areas. Even if you’re not planning to get married but are still about to make a huge step in your relationship, whether living together, buying a house, or having a baby, pre-marital counseling is essential.

One could use their family therapist or seek the services of a professional marriage or relationship counselor. Remember, you have 20% off if you use my link to try my favorite relationship guidance app, Ritual.

How Many Sessions Are In Premarital Counseling?

Generally, premarital counseling consists of four to six counseling sessions. The couple’s specific requirements and the complicated nature of their relationship will determine how many sessions are required with the marriage counselor.

The sessions are recommended to be once a week for couples, and each session with their pre-marriage counselor may last for around forty to sixty minutes.

What Are The Topics Discussed With Your Premarital Counselor?

During premarital counseling, many different types of topics are discussed between partners, with the guidance of a premarital counselor. These premarital questions include household duties, sexual desires, spiritual beliefs, in-laws and blended families, work-life balance, past experiences, safe environments for future children, and personal hobbies.

Honesty is essential in answering the premarital counseling questionnaire so your marriage counseling professional can accurately assess your future married life.

The 35 Premarital Counseling Questions

Do you expect any conflicts, background-wise?

Many couples face conflicts in their relationship due to different backgrounds of origin (family status, wealth, traumas.) To help with this and create a strong foundation for the future, premarital counseling allows couples to talk through any differences and the issues that could be expected as a result.

How do we plan on blending our backgrounds together in our home?

This is one of the significant premarital questions to ask. It helps one understand their future spouse’s beliefs and expectations regarding creating a home.

The future of a relationship may benefit from couples considering how to create an environment that respects both heritages and backgrounds.

What do you appreciate most in your partner?

This question encourages couples to recognize the qualities that make them a great match. Discussing what you appreciate in each other will allow you to understand your partner better, and it can help create a more positive outlook on the journey ahead.

What do you value in your relationship the most?

Thinking about what you value most in your romantic relationship before getting married will help partners ensure they are on the same page regarding what they expect.

Do both of us want children? How many, if so?

Married couples need to have a similar stance on the idea of children. This question of pre-marriage counseling will help them understand if they both have the same desires regarding their family planning. It is also important to discuss whether to use birth control, how many children would be ideal, and what responsibilities each partner would take regarding raising them.

How do we plan on dividing duties for children? How do we decide who stays home to take care of the child?

If you plan on having children, this question brings perspective and will help both partners understand how they each plan to take care of their responsibilities.

Discussing whether one parent should stay home to care for the child and what kind of support they would require will be beneficial.

What type of education should our children get?

This question helps encompass what a partner expects regarding the children’s lives and providing the best education for them. It also allows couples to discuss any tuition costs involved, whether the child should receive specific religious education, and how they plan on financing their children’s education in the future.

What will our ideal parenting technique be?

It is vital to discuss ideal parenting styles to have a successful marriage.

Every individual has a different understanding of what approach will be best to raise a child and how it is implemented. It is important for both individuals to be aware of their partner’s views about parenting techniques, which can vary (authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and ignorant.)

How do we plan on dividing finances within our house?

Money-related questions can often stress married couples, especially regarding spending habits, credit card debt, the idea of a savings plan, and the monthly budget. This question encourages partners to discuss their financial plans and expectations and create a mutual understanding of budgeting and saving.

How much of our income is meant for the earner for leisure?

This question helps couples discuss their desires for the money they make. It encourages them to consider how much their salaries should be allocated toward leisure activities. It also allows both partners to understand how much of the earned money is for the earner’s own personal wants and needs.

Do we want joint or separate accounts?

This is one of the most important premarital counseling questions, as it greatly impacts how finances within the household are managed. Couples should discuss whether they want joint accounts or separate and the benefits they could have from spending money, savings, or budgeting.

What is the importance of earning money to both of us?

Both partners may have different perspectives on the importance of earning and how to use their earnings. This question helps couples understand each other’s views on money and what they prioritize regarding saving, spending, and investing.

How do we feel about saving? How will we go about it?

Many couples find it vital to put money away for emergencies, which may be an excellent way to increase their financial stability. This question helps partners discuss their feelings about saving and how they plan to do so together.

How do we divide chores and house tasks?

This question is crucial for couples who are planning on living together. It encourages them to discuss how they will divide the household chores and each partner’s roles in maintaining their household.

How important is the sexual aspect of our relationship to each party?

Intimacy and sexual activity are integral parts of any relationship, and this question helps partners discuss their individual needs, sexual preferences, and desires regarding these topics.

How is our current sex life?

This question helps couples discuss their current sex life and any changes they want to make regarding intimacy and communication skills. To keep things exciting and new, couples need to have open discussions about what they both want from their relationship’s physical aspect.

How do we expect our partner to interact with our religious beliefs?

This question helps couples discuss their spiritual beliefs and how they plan to integrate them into their marriage. It can also help partners understand each other’s values and expectations regarding spirituality.

Do we have currently unmet sexual needs?

Couples should ask this question since it allows them to discuss any unmet sexual wants or desires. It encourages partners to talk openly about their needs and work together to satisfy them.

Other than sex, what are other things we expect from each other about intimacy and romance?

Physical intimacy is only one part of a relationship, and this question helps partners discuss what other forms of intimacy they expect from their partner. It can include cuddling, romantic gestures, compliments, and affectionate words to help them keep the spark alive in their marriage.

How do we prioritize careers concerning each other?

Career questions help couples discuss how much importance they place on their careers when it comes to their relationship. It allows them to talk about any career goals and aspirations and how that will affect the other partner’s decisions regarding work and home life.

How do we plan on prioritizing careers with children?

This question helps couples discuss how they plan on balancing work and family life regarding their children. It encourages them to consider each partner’s role as a parent and how they plan to manage both careers with parenting and household responsibilities.

How do we support each other in our career goals?

Couples need to talk about how they can support one another’s professional goals. This question allows them to talk about any additional help they need from one another, such as taking care of the children. At the same time, one partner advances in their career or offers emotional support when things become difficult.

How long do we expect each other to be away from home/at work?

This question helps partners discuss how much time each partner will dedicate to their career and other personal commitments. To establish a healthy work-life balance, couples must agree on how much time they will spend away from the house.

How do we resolve conflicts?

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, and couples must have difficult conversations about how to tackle future conflicts. This question encourages them to think about their approaches to resolving conflicts and any common strategies they plan on using when things become heated.

What are our communication styles?

Communication is the foundation of any strong relationship, and this question helps partners understand each other’s communication styles. It encourages individuals to share their preferences for discussing difficult topics and methods to improve communication.

Are there issues we have with each other regarding conflict resolution?

This question allows couples to discuss any unresolved issues they have regarding conflict resolution. It also helps them identify areas where one partner may need additional support from the other to communicate and resolve conflicts more effectively, and any uncomfortable conversations are required for future ease.

How will these issues be dealt with?

This question encourages couples to think about how they can tackle any unresolved issues regarding conflict resolution. It also helps them identify any strategies or approaches that may be beneficial in assisting them to communicate effectively.

How is socializing with friends and coworkers going to fit within our marriage?

This helps partners discuss how they plan to socialize with others, both within and outside their marriage. They are prompted to consider any boundaries they would like to set on interactions with friends and coworkers and the significance of prioritizing their relationship before anything else.

Are there any boundaries we have regarding our social lives?

This question helps couples establish any boundaries they have when it comes to their social lives. They can discuss any expectations they might have regarding social activities, such as how they plan on introducing one another to friends or how often a partner can go out for parties, social interactions, or solo traveling.

Are there any concerns about our partner’s relationship with their extended family?

This is an essential question, as partners must know how their soon-to-be spouse feels about their family. It helps them discuss any potential issues they may have with each other’s families and any expectations they would like each other to keep when it comes to interacting with relatives.

What expectations might we have from them for our own family?

Partners need to discuss their expectations from each other when it comes to expanding and nurturing their families. It encourages them to think about how they plan on managing future disagreements with relatives and how much influence they expect from them.

What does betrayal and infidelity mean to you?

Betrayal and infidelity are two topics that no couple should take lightly, and this question helps partners discuss the meaning of these terms for each of them. It encourages them to think about what they consider cheating or betrayal and how they plan to handle any infidelities or trust breaches in their marriage.

What are the expectations we have with our partner that are important for us to be met?

This question allows couples to set expectations for each other in their relationship. It challenges them to consider the actions, commitments, and promises they expect from one another throughout their marriage and any potential sacrifices they might have to make to one another.

How do we define a loving, happy marriage?

This is an important question for couples to discuss before committing forever. It enables them to clarify what a happy, mutually satisfied marriage implies for them and how they could work together to realize their vision of marital bliss.

What are my values? Do they fit with my partner’s? If they don’t, am I willing to respect them?

Before getting married, couples need to talk about their moral principles. This question helps them understand where each partner stands on specific topics or decisions and how they can accommodate differences in opinion for a safe environment and easier marriage preparation.

What If The Premarital Counseling Questions In This Article Uncover Differences And Cause Conflicts?

Sometimes, pre-marriage counseling questions can raise issues that lead to conflicts between partners. In this situation, couples must have productive conversations about these issues and look for ways to compromise or find solutions.

It is also important to remember that disagreements should never prevent the relationship from working out and that couples must actively try to overcome any problems they face.

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Want something more traditional and holistic?

Alternatively, you can try couples therapy, which is more traditional and holistic than relationship counseling. Online-Therapy.com offers affordable couples therapy packages that can also support individual therapy, which is essential to your personal growth and mental health. You can try for only $40 through my link.

What If my partner is not keen on getting couples support?

When your partner isn’t quite on board with seeking couples guidance, don’t lose heart! Remember, relationships are a journey, and sometimes, the first step begins with just one. Ritual allows you to embrace the opportunity to embark on this growth adventure solo (that’s what I did.) You’ll be amazed by the positive changes it brings to your relationship. Get 20% on your trial!

Final Thoughts

Pre-marriage counseling questions can help couples learn a lot about the dynamics of their relationship and get to know one another better before the final “yes.” The correct premarital counseling questions will help partners build a solid foundation for a happy marriage by revealing more about one another’s expectations, values, and communication styles.

As mentioned, premarital counseling is the best way to build trust, set your expectations right, and even uncover what you really want from your future before you build a family with your partner. Many couples elope or get married on a whim, and that’s certainly romantic. However, nothing is more mature than knowing why you’d choose your partner daily, forever, and premarital counseling contributes to that.