It’s the era of non-stop, swapping left and right, and casual half-flirting led by thoughts such as; “Why would I make a move? I can find her Instagram/tinder/Facebook profile and start the game online.” The options of potential partners are unlimited, no one fits quite right, and many people seem to struggle with half-assed relationships when they finally find someone they think is worth investing in. How to let go of someone you almost had?
Letting go of someone you thought it’s worth it is hard… But we will make it simple.
And if you need some more guidance, check out my wellness guide on how to attract abundance, connect with your soul, and manifest anything you want. It also teaches you to move on and let go of anything that no longer serves you.
What is an “almost relationship”?
Almost relationship is the relationship that could have been great (in your eyes), but it stuck somewhere (where it seems unclear). It usually revolves around a person that could have been the one, if only (insert the x reason here).
This kind of relationship doesn’t have a fixed duration. It can last for three weeks or three months. That person is not usually someone you love, yet you could already be in love with them.
Everything starts with the proper flow but then stops unfolding, and then you’re stuck between; “it’s time to evolve things” or “it’s time to let go and move on.”
More on toxic relationships:
- How does a narcissist react when they can’t control you? + 10 top tips to cope
- The 12 traits of a narcissist to spot immediately and avoid attachment
- Trapped in a narcissistic relationship pattern? The 7 awful signs
- Narcissist gaslighting: 19 ways to spot this dangerous abuse
And there are the almosts. Almost enough texts and efforts on their side to make you hang in there. Nearly enough reasons that make you good enough.
They almost met friends and family, cared enough for you, almost committed.
Always an almost to create fire but leave the smoke, eventually. Letting go of someone who sparked some light within you can be seriously heartbreaking.
And you find it more challenging to let go of that “almost” than you thought you would. It seems even more difficult than letting go of someone you love.
Here are some steps on how to let go of someone you almost had, alleviate the harm, and make the process of letting go quite simple.
Read more: How to manifest someone to be obsessed with you in 7 easy ways
How can you let go of someone you almost had?
Embrace the pain
No, you aren’t overly sensitive or get excited too fast. Before you start blaming yourself, accept that this pain is real.
Sometimes, letting go of someone you almost had -contrary to letting go of someone you love- is the toughest.
You are killing your expectations, hopes, dreams, and temporary memories.
Everything that made you attached or invested in that person has to die for your own sake; you’re entitled to kill it. And that responsibility, alongside the rejection you faced, hurts—a lot.
So don’t try to cover up the pain; instead, accept the value of what you had and embrace the process of letting go. It was still something.
Accept your feelings, and let go
Acceptance -both of your feelings and whatever is out of your control- is my best advice on how to move on.
You don’t want to forget the past; you want to embrace it and accept what is. It might be hard to let go and move forward.
It was real for you; it mattered, you wanted it to become a relationship, and it’s not your fault that it didn’t.
The fact you have to move on from that idea now hurts you like hell, and it’s okay to feel that way. Don’t deny the pain.
And don’t let the anger consume you if you fall for social media stalking or if friends and family still mention that person.
If you really want to let go, you must accept and embrace the feelings that come along.
Start journaling about the process of letting go
Journaling is a great way to become aware of your feelings and accept the facts. You can write a long goodbye letter alongside short prompts on why and how you must let go of someone.
Even journaling about what makes it so hard to let go can be enlightening in this situation, as you can discover your trauma bonds and destructive relationship patterns.
Are you always falling for an unavailable partner?
Do you constantly find yourself in painful relationships?
I someone you love someone who also hurts you?
Accurately, your insecurities and traumas bring you to related situations and pain. Uncovering that pattern is the first step of your healing journey in order to establish an emotionally healthy future.
Don’t forget that every heartbreaking experience in your life can be beneficial, as it shows you what parts of your mental health need nurturing and self-care.
Focus on what you need from someone early on.
I know it might hurt to let go of someone who seems “great” in your eyes, but do you actually need someone in your life who is not equally invested in you?
Do you want someone who doesn’t choose you the same way? Someone not willing to commit, who doesn’t see your worth and is not ready to rock the world with you?
Letting go of people who are not equally invested in you before you become attached is crucial.
Because there are people on this planet who will be on the same page, embrace the same values, and connect with you immediately and without effort.
The truth is that the more preoccupied you become with a person with “smoking guns,” the more complex the process of letting go becomes.
Additionally, the more you take away the energy from someone who might be worth your time.
The best thing you can do from now on is to track those smoking guns early on and recognize a misfit in how you want each other in your lives.
You have to let go of someone who is not equally invested in you.
Know your needs and communicate them assertively as early as possible. Always know what you want out of life, why you want it, and how willing you’re to take action.
This is the most helpful advice you can get on how to let go of someone.
Get your free personalized action plan here.It will put your thoughts, desires, and goals in line and inspire you to build successful habits.
Looking back to the relationship, was that person able to fulfill those needs, calm your demons, be available, and give you the security you craved?
If the answer is no, you’re one step closer to letting go and answering why that person was wrong for you. Don’t get attached to the wrong situations. Learn how to let go.
Spot the red flags of their personality and detach.
It’s not always easy to tell when a relationship is headed in the wrong direction.
Sometimes, we choose to ignore the red flags because we don’t want to face the possibility that the person we’re so fond of might not be suitable for us.
Other times, we convince ourselves that things will get better if we just tough it out a little longer.
However, detaching from someone unsuitable for you is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself.
It may be difficult at the moment, but it will allow you to move on and find someone with whom you can build a healthy, lasting relationship.
Letting someone go who is not suitable for you does not mean that you are giving up on love; it simply means that you are making space in your life for someone who is more compatible with you and who will make you happy.
Don’t let your past relationship problems stand in the way of your future happiness.
If you’re unsure whether someone is right for you, look out for narcissistic traits, insecure attachment system, emotional unavailability, trust your gut and detach early.
Your love life will be much better if you aren’t invested in the wrong people and know how to break free early on.
Read more: Trapped in a narcissistic relationship pattern? The 7 awful signs
Be aware of the rebound effect.
In the book “Attached,” Amir Levine and Rachel Heller introduced me to the rebound effect, explaining why the first thing you do when facing a breakup is to contact that person and think about how much you want her to be in your life.
Instead of moving on and letting go, you’re receiving a massive flood of positive memories and qualities of that person, and you can’t see what went or is wrong. You can’t think of how this half-reality was harming you.
Why letting go of the past RELATIONSHIP becomes so hard?
An activated attachment system feels like love or a once-in-lifetime passion, but it’s not.
According to the book, “Once your attachment system is activated, another interesting phenomenon is triggered: You get overwhelmed by positive memories of the few good times you had with that person and forget the insecurity they were cultivating in the first place.
You will recall how sweet they were to you the other day and conveniently forget that they didn’t want the same relationship as you did in the end. An activated attachment system is immensely powerful, and instead of realizing it’s time to let go and move forward, you cling to them.”
The people who can let us wonder what they think, who make us care enough to translate their mixed signals, and who can increase our dopamine levels up to silly points are the ones that have already triggered our attachment system.
You want to let go of someone who makes you feel like a roller coaster.
An activated attachment system feels like love or a once-in-lifetime passion, but it’s not.
Emotional circuits create that system to discourage us from being alone; when activated, we cannot see clearly or rationally. Letting go becomes impossible.
Before you put that person on a pedestal, overanalyze what went wrong in the relationship, and stalk them immensely on social media, acknowledge that your attachment system is probably talking.
Build a support system.
Nothing is more efficient than warm-hearted friends and family who can see your situation for what it is. Your loved ones can support you in multiple ways, understand your grief, help you heal, or be there for you.
Make a list of all the reasons that make that person inappropriate for you and learn how to let go of someone.
Share that list with your close people and ask them to remind you why that person couldn’t fulfill your needs.
Letting someone go through reality checks from your loved ones can be fun instead of bitter.
Having friends and family remind you of the whole story, relationship mismatch, and everything you’re worth in life can make a difference in your healing process.
Don’t rush into someone else
When you are trying to let go of someone, it can be tempting to try to rush into a relationship with someone else.
However, this can often be more harmful than helpful. When you rush into a new relationship, you may compare your new partner to the person you almost had, which can lead to resentment and prevent you from truly moving on.
Additionally, rushing into a relationship can give you false hope that the relationship will somehow make up for what you lost in the past. However, no person can do that.
The only way to move on from someone is to take the time to grieve your loss and allow yourself to heal. So take your time, heal your wounds, and open your heart to someone new when you’re finally ready.
Cut contact and avoid checking their social media
When you are trying to let someone go, the last thing you want to do is be in contact and stalk them.
The whole process of moving on can be more challenging. Stalking them can make you sad if they post about their dating life and could prevent you from finding a new partner or focusing on improving your future love life.
If you really want to move on, try unfollowing or blocking the person.
It will help you control your emotions and break the habit of checking up on them while redirecting your energy to your own life.
In time, you will be able to look back on the relationship and see it for what it was: a part of your past that no longer has a place in your present.
Manifest a healthy relationship with a great partner.
I’ve talked about how my spiritual guide helped me manifest anything I wanted in another article. Yes, you can manifest your desires; it’s all possible. Every single part of it.
There’s no single right way to manifest a healthy relationship with a great partner.
You can manifest on paper, complete short prompts, know your values without compromising, repeat self-love affirmations daily, and let the universe do its work.
However, there are some specific things that you can do to increase your chances of attracting a great partner and ensure your previous relationship remains in the past.
First, let go of any negative feelings you have towards the person you’re trying to get over.
It’s important to remember that they are just other people who are living their life, and they deserve to be happy, no matter how things turn out between you two.
Second, clearly communicate your needs, wants, and values to your new partner.
This will help them understand how to best support you and ensure that your relationship is built on mutual respect.
Finally, don’t be afraid to let yourself feel happiness and joy in the present moment, and try to feel grateful for every part of the journey.
The universe puts you where you need to grow, and you are worthy of a bright future full of love and happiness.
Talk to a therapist.
Getting over someone you almost had a relationship with can be incredibly tough.
Oftentimes, we build up these relationships in our heads to be something that they’re not, and when they don’t work out, it can feel like a personal failure.
If you struggle to get over someone, it might be helpful to talk to a therapist.
They can help you understand the relationship and why it didn’t work out and provide guidance on how to move on.
Additionally, they can offer support and advice on related topics such as dating, sexuality, and self-esteem.
Talking to a therapist can help you gain closure on the relationship and start moving forward with your life.
Focus on self-love and self-care.
When we love ourselves enough, we stop wasting our energy on people who don’t value us because we know our worth.
Focus on self-love. Find your purpose. Commit to accepting and bettering yourself. Know your worth. When these four are happening, whether someone wants to be in your life or not is not the primary matter.
Your priority is your inner peace, values, and wellness; whoever cannot align with those doesn’t belong in your circle.
Prioritize self-care daily and focus inward.
When we love ourselves enough, we learn to communicate our boundaries. We stop wasting our energy on people who don’t respect us.
You cannot fix anyone, nor can you change yourself to fit someone else’s expectations. Change can happen only for your own sake and growth. You are who you are, and there are people in this world who will want you and accept you for precisely that.
Forgive and forget
Trying to get over someone you almost had can be really tough. You’ve invested so much time and energy into this person, and it’s hard to let go of something you hoped would work out.
But even though it hurts, it’s essential to forgive and forget.
This person is not the only person in your life, there are other people who care about you and want to see you happy.
Holding onto anger and resentment will only make it harder to move on.
It’s also important to remember that even though things didn’t work out with this person, there could be someone else out there who is perfect for you.
So don’t give up hope – keep your heart open, and you might find your life’s love.
Conclusion – How to let go of someone
As we’ve already mentioned, letting someone go of someone you considered unique- can be heartbreaking and leave you with insecurities and question marks.
It doesn’t have to feel this way, and you have the power to work the situation in your favor. To recap, those are the 12 strategies on how to let go of someone:
Embrace the pain
accept your feelings and let go
Focus on what you need from someone early on
Spot the red flags and detach
Be aware of the rebound effect
Build a support system
Don’t rush into someone else.
Cut contact and avoid social media.
Manifest a healthy relationship with a great partner
Talk to a therapist
Focus on self-love and self-care
Forgive and forget
Check my guide for a holistic spiritual healing journey.