More often than not, we are drawn to people with personalities and interests like ours. But it can be puzzling when you keep attracting people with emotional issues. You ask yourself: why do I attract narcissists?
Even though they might be blatantly destructive and detrimental, their narcissistic tendencies always seem to get the best of you. So, what brings about this? Why are narcissists attracted to you?
In this article, I will outline significant reasons you attract narcissists and ways you can successfully set firm boundaries and establish a healthy relationship with yourself.
About narcissistic abuse and people with NPD (Narcissistic personality disorder)
A narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by an exaggerated feeling of one’s own importance, a strong desire for unrestrained attention and praise, strained relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.
As well as a delicate sense of self-esteem that is easily damaged by even the slightest criticism hides under this mask of great self-confidence.
People with NPD tend to find themselves in toxic relationships in their romantic relationships.
Narcissists rely on manipulative ways to satisfy their needs and inflated sense of importance. Your isolation from friends and family may be an attempt by an abuser with NPD to exert control over you.
Narcissistic abusers may also gaslight you, make you feel unworthy, or include others in the abuse.
What kind of partners do narcissists choose?
Narcissists don’t just get into a relationship with anybody; there are several traits they look for to exude their self-importance and implement their manipulative tactics successfully.
Building relationships is about self-gratification to the narcissist, just like any other action in their life. They are not seeking wholesome relationships.
They look for people with a low sense of self-confidence and esteem. They seek to find people who have difficulty developing confidence, as well as people with low personality traits.
A people pleaser is also a narcissist’s dream soul mate. Narcissists are naturally attracted to people pleasers who have difficulty setting boundaries.
Everything serves their goal to influence and rule others around them. You are of little use to the narcissist if you are unwilling to play by the rules of their games.
You might like: Am I being gaslighted? Here’s the best free quiz to find out
Why do narcissists gravitate to me?
Many people attract narcissists because they exhibit a personality trait that satisfies the abuser’s needs. Narcissists tend to toy with other people’s feelings, so when you don’t know how to guard your emotions properly, you will naturally appeal to a narcissist.
So what are some of the reasons why narcissists are drawn to you? Below are some typical reasons a narcissist will get attracted to you.
Seven reasons you find yourself in a narcissistic relationship
1) You lack self-confidence and have low self-esteem.
Contrary to popular belief, you could find yourself attracted to partners who compliment you negatively if you have low self-esteem.
We regrettably accept the love we believe we deserve. On the other hand, you can be attracted to narcissistic partners because of their charisma and confidence.
Narcissists can make you develop fantastic feelings by introducing you to their exciting and ostensibly glamorous life, but only while you’re with them. They make it seem like they are coming to your aid if you have poor self-esteem.
Narcissistic relationships frequently begin with “love-bombing,” in which the narcissist lavishes your affection, care, and attention.
They may urge you to move in with them, take you out to romantic dinners, rapidly declare their love for you, give you flowers and gifts, and more.
Most people with low self-esteem may be overwhelmed by this outpouring of love and devotion.
Narcissists may do everything to obtain more of it and appear charming, loving, and kind in your eyes because they are dying for your appreciation. They want to give you a reason to tolerate manipulative and inappropriate behavior in the future.
2) You have a narcissistic parent.
Many people who attract narcissistic relationships as adults have been subjected to narcissistic abuse in some capacity as children.
The world and the people in it are taught to us to be a specific way by either one or both of our narcissistic parents.
Because our narcissistic parent only shows us love and attention when we behave in a particular way, we learn to be loved in that manner.
Our understanding of who we are and how the world works is shaped by our parents’ examples and lessons.
If this seems familiar to you, it is logical that you would enter relationships with people with similar interests in your childhood values.
You will tend to attract narcissists. A spouse who doesn’t try to manipulate or control you or lets you do whatever you want may come across as careless or uninterested in the relationship.
3) You cannot set healthy boundaries.
Your inability to set boundaries with people you have a relationship with is another reason you find yourself involved with people with narcissistic traits.
You must know when to draw the line in any relationship; if not, you will always attract narcissists.
Setting firm boundaries is a great way to stop being easily manipulated by narcissists. You can detect a strong sense of ego that most narcissists usually display.
You are bound to be a narcissistic victim when you continually overlook obvious red flags.
4) You are an empathic person.
There is nothing wrong with showing empathy, but you must be sure to always stay on guard. Many Narcissists tend to abuse an empathic person.
Narcissists are attracted to people pleasers and empathic people. Setting healthy boundaries is a great way not to fall prey to a narcissist.
5) You have a tendency to ignore your own needs.
You are in a relationship with a narcissist because you are not taking care of yourself and your needs.
You may find yourself in it because of the fact that you want to make someone else happy or because you are trying to fix things with someone.
But in the end, it’s about you and what will make you happy.
As long as you always focus on other people’s needs and do not cater to your own needs, you will always find yourself involved with a narcissistic person. This is just how life works.
6) You cannot identify red flags.
You are attracted to a narcissist because you cannot identify the obvious red flags. The red flags are so subtle that you don’t see them until someone points them out to you.
Narcissists have a lot of influence over your life, but you may not know how much they control you because their manipulative actions have gotten the best of you.
7) They know how to be highly attractive and turn the world upside down to win you over.
One thing about people who are narcissists is their manipulative solid game. Narcissistic people know how to get their game on to win their prey over. So it’s vital to have the knowledge on how to expose them.
If you are not highly careful, you may fall for their gimmicks.
They will portray their angelic side at first sight, but you must know they are far from that.
How to stop attracting narcissists:
1) Develop healthy self-esteem
Developing a healthy dose of self-esteem and confidence is one way to stop narcissists from being attracted to you.
Narcissists are attracted to people who struggle with their self-esteem. They will employ tactics like love bombing to get the best of someone.
But when you know your worth and develop self-esteem, you can quickly walk away from a narcissistic person. Even when the narcissist attempts to guilt trip you not to leave, you will.
2) Improve your self-worth
Another way to stop attracting narcissists is to improve your sense of self-importance. A person with a great sense of importance is a narcissist’s worst nightmare.
You can start by learning how to say NO. When you are a “yes person,” you are much more likely to be attracted to narcissists.
Attempt to have faith in your inner guidance as well. Recognize that your inner GPS wants to lead you to a strong self.
Your capacity to have faith in yourself will increase if you begin to think it is true. It is usual for you to lack confidence in your inner voice initially.
Your self-worth will rise over time as you believe in yourself and your inner voice.
When you hold your head high and go about your day with a feeling of self-confidence, you will feel good about yourself and stop being attracted to narcissists.
3) Don’t repeat relationship patterns that were toxic in the past
If you have been in a relationship with a narcissistic person in the past, it is best for you to take note of the glaring signs, narcissistic tendencies, and traits.
This will make you nip any narcissistic tendencies you might notice in your new relationship.
Once your new lover starts to toy with your mental health and exhibit physical abuse tendencies, it is best to leave the relationship immediately.
You can leave this lifelong journey immediately if it’s a marital situation.
You are a strong woman; in time, you will find a better situation for yourself. It is much better than putting your mental health at risk.
More on narcissistic relationships: Trapped in a narcissistic relationship pattern? The 7 awful signs
4) Set firm boundaries.
The ability to empathize and be generous is admirable, but it’s crucial to watch out for being used for these traits.
Be clear about your limits, including what actions you will and will not tolerate, what you are willing to give, and what you will not do, regardless of what the other person says.
Narcissists struggle to respect limits and will attempt to cross them whenever feasible. You must strongly consider ending the relationship if a person ignores, consistently transgresses, or is unresponsive to your efforts to enforce limits.
Setting firm boundaries is vital if you wish to manifest a relationship with a healthy partner.
5) Stop being a people pleaser.
The more you accommodate others, the more they will try to control you and make you feel bad about yourself.
Narcissists will also make you feel guilty for doing things not in your best interest. This causes stress and can lead to depression and other disorders.
So, Stop trying to please everyone else, and take care of yourself first. If someone is always asking you for something, don’t give in just because they want it so badly.
Always think about what’s best for your health and well-being, not theirs.
This doesn’t in any way mean you are not a good person. You are just looking after yourself, which is all that matters.
6) Focus on self-love and self-awareness.
One of the best methods to stop attracting narcissists is to have a strong sense of self-worth. Narcissists enjoy people who don’t believe in themselves or let their anxieties get the best.
Naturally, building self-love and confidence is a lifelong process for manifesting the life you deserve. Still, as you begin to remind yourself of what you deserve and project that confidence outward, narcissists will realize you’re not someone they can easily control and are thus a poor target for them to exploit.
7) Work on your identity issues.
You may turn to face yourself during or after a relationship with a narcissist and find that all you are left with is a hollow shell.
Sometimes, you may not know what you want out of life, what you enjoy, what you think, or even what you feel. A narcissist will have you struggle with finding your identity and purpose.
You will attract narcissists when you cannot correctly identify who you are. You will attract narcissists when you cannot correctly identify who you are.
So to stop being a victim of a narcissist, you have to work on your identity issues.
You must know that anybody can find themselves attracted to a narcissist, especially a seemingly sweet, charming, seductive, and cunning person.
But, likely, this isn’t a coincidence, and there is something more significant going on here if you regularly find yourself in relationships with narcissists.
Something, most likely subconscious, attracts a narcissist to you. You’re possibly acting out of self-destructive necessity or following old habits that haven’t worked for you.
Thankfully, you now know some of the things to cross-check in order not to attract narcissists.